Tyler is 10 years old, and recently came into foster care with Mr. and Mrs. Norton. The Norton’s have two biological children, a daughter age 12 and a son, age 10. This is Tyler’s first time in foster care. Previously, he had lived primarily with his grandmother, but was also bounced around between his biological parents (who are separated) and someone he calls “Uncle Joe.” Most recently he was with his grandmother, living in a run-down trailer is a rural part of the county. It was a place of squalor—rodents, several dogs living inside the trailer, and only sporadic running water. Recently, when Tyler’s grandmother died, someone in the neighborhood alerted authorities that Tyler was living in the trailer by himself. That’s when the authorities got involved.
Tyler has been pretty compliant in the few weeks he’s been with the Nortons. His main issue, however, surrounds food. At mealtimes he will stuff his mouth, eating rapidly “like a chipmunk” shares Mr. Norton. He has nearly thrown up a couple of times despite the Nortons pleading with him to slow down. He gets up at night and sneaks food out of the pantry and refrigerator. He gravitates towards sweets and high-carb foods. The Norton’s have also found food—both wrapped and unwrapped—in various places in Tyler’s room—in drawers, stuffed inside his socks and underwear, and even between his mattress and box springs. He’s also stolen food out of the Norton’s bio children’s lunch boxes before school in the morning. He exhibits similar behavior at school, where he will ask his friends to give him food off their lunch trays.
With a child like Tyler, what is a parent to do? Here are some helpful suggestions and strategies if you are parenting a child with food insecurity:
First of all, remember that our need for food is a primal necessity for living. Just like
breathing, we can’t live very long without food. A child who has been food-deprived will go to elaborate lengths—actually over-compensating—to make sure he has enough, not just for the meal he is currently eating, but for the next meal and also for tomorrow.
Never force a child to eat a certain type of food or use food as a punishment
When you provide a meal or snack, let the child know when the next meal or snack will happen—as much as possible, tightly adhere to a structured meal and snack schedule.
Most children coming into care for the first time have been used to a carb- and sugar-heavy diet. Encourage the child to try new, healthy foods, but don’t force the issue—be patient.
Do not place locks on your pantry, cupboards or refrigerator. This will only increase your child’s anxiety and lead to other negative behaviors like temper meltdowns an behavioral regression.
Keep a bowl or container of healthy snacks out in an open place like the dining room table. With some children you can place a bowl of healthy wrapped snacks in their bedroom, but you’ll need to closely monitor this. Unwrapped food can easily attract insects, and then you have another problem!
Talk with your child’s teacher to see if a plan can be worked out where your, child has access to a healthy snack every couple hours. Public schools are now generally more open to this idea for children who have been through trauma and have food insecurity.
Above all, please be patient and consistently let your child know that there will always be enough and that he is safe with you. Food hoarding is a primal survival behavior based in prior trauma. Your child’s behavior is not an intentional act to get under your skin. Getting a child to trust you in this area is often a slow, “one step backward, two steps forward” process, as he learns to also trust you with other areas of his life.
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