Grayson is four years old. He came into foster care for the first time with the Ryan family about three months ago. This is also the Ryan’s first foray into foster care. They have two biological children, a 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter. The Ryans have always wanted to foster, but they wanted to wait until their own kids were at an age where fostering would be more workable for the whole family. 12-year-old Jacob has ADHD, but he is progressing well over the past year or so. “He was a handful when he was younger” states Mrs. Ryan, but with meds and a lot of structure, he is flourishing.” Not so in the case of Grayson. He’s been kicked out of two day care settings for biting other children. He’s even bitten Mrs. Ryan a couple of times. The day care staff told the Ryans that Grayson will bite another child if he gets angry or wants a toy they have, but he will also bite unprovoked. “It’s like it sometimes comes out of nowhere!” remarked one daycare supervisor. Mrs. Ryan recalls that bio son Jacob would bite (or try to bite) other children frequently, as well as occasionally with her, “but that was all before he turned three—shouldn’t Grayson have outgrown this by now?”
Why does Grayson bite? This is not a rare behavior with toddlers. But with a four-year old? The typical toddler will display biting behavior for numerous reasons—lack of language skills, boredom, seeking attention, and being emotionally overwhelmed are some of these reasons. But for children like Grayson--who enter the foster care system having missed out on important developmental milestones due to abuse, neglect and poverty—this type of behavior can almost be expected. Grayson came from such a background. Due to his developmental delays, he is like a toddler when he is seeking attention, bored/under stimulated or frustrated. Chronologically he is four years, but developmentally, he’s a lot closer to two years.
How can the Ryan’s help Grayson to overcome his biting habit? Here are some ideas and strategies:
If Grayson likes to be read to, read children’s books to him that talk about biting. Engage him in conversation—at his level of understanding—as you read the book and talk about why biting is not acceptable.
Inform his daycare when he has not slept well the night before. Fatigue can lead to Grayson’s more limited frustration tolerance as well as his tolerance for the noise and chaos of daycare settings.
Even though Grayson is way past the teething period, a teether or chewing gum can help. And as crazy as it sounds, some parents have actually used a pacifier (keeping in mind that many kids like Grayson likely did not have enough quality time using a pacifier, and thus their oral development is delayed).
Research has also shown that offering a child crunchy (healthy) snacks can reduce biting.
When the child bites, or tries to bite, distract him with a toy or some other activity. This can shift his focus.
When a child tries to, or does bite, respond firmly (not angrily or loudly) “No biting-biting hurts.” Keep your responses short, don’t lecture as this will just amp up the child’s stress and he may try to bite again.
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