The beginning of this book talks about working together to become a connected family. In order to put together all of the pieces you have to consider all the different aspects of your child. I like the analogy they used – “imagine you have been invited to a friend’s house for a snack of brownies. When you get there you find flour, milk, eggs, sugar and cocoa each sitting in a separate dish. Your host says that you need to dip your finger into each dish and then put all of those ingredients on your tongue and together that gives you a brownie”.

I can definitly see how this is important in developing a connected family. There are times when I say to my partner “the sensory is coming kicking in” or “today he was having attachment issues”. We have to know and understand all of the different aspects that make him the amazing boy that he is.

Below is a list of effective parenting strategies they discuss in The Connected Child. The book reminds us that we are the boss! Our children need to feel secure in the fact that we are there to help and guide them.

IDEAL Approach- Immediately, Directly, Efficient, Action-based and Level. This technique has been helpful in our home. We even have the acronym posted on the fridge. With our DS it is important to deal with things immediately. If we let things slide a little we end up in a worse predicament than when we started!

Re-do- This is a BIG one in our house! DS will even say “try it again” before we do!

Be the Voice of Authority- I admit, I tend to yell at times. This book helped me realize that I can get my point across in a better manner. They talk about doing a stance that shows authority and lower your voice. The first time I did this I was AMAZED! It worked immediately. There are times when it does not work but for the most part has helped our family tremendously!

No Time Outs- I knew before I read The Connected Child that they were going to say no time outs! I understand where they are coming from with this logic. However, I believe that all children and situations are different in regards to time outs. There are times when we send DS to his room. We do ensure he has a stuffed animal and allow him to talk to us if he needs to say something. It has worked for us, giving everyone a chance to calm down and regroup. We “hug it out” afterwards and talk about how to do things differently next time.

The book provides us with several phrases we can use when our children are displaying specific behaviors. I had to laugh at some of them because I could never see myself using them. The important thing is you take the phrase and turn it into a comfortable phrase for your family. We turned “what is the function of X” to “how do we use X”.

I felt that the book did a very nice job in explaining the inner mind of a child who was adopted. They discuss how their fear is a motivator for various behaviors. It helped me to see how some of his actions stem from his past. When I am in those moments where I am at a loss, I find myself thinking back to what he has been through and find an understand of why. This helps me to find the right tools to help him in his time of need. I highly recommend buying this book for those parenting children with attachment related challenges.

Click here to buy The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family